More often than not

Perso  

I am bored. Utterly bored. Dreadfully bored. It's happening quite regularly but it's been two years since last time and I had expected it earlier. You probably know the feeling. After doing the same thing all over again for dozens of time (even though those things can make you happy) you kind of start of think: "Hey, I've seen that before!" and then wondering if there should be something more interesting to do.

It's no one's fault. Not yours, not your colleagues, not necessarily the job. Sometimes you can't make interesting things happen, that's all. When I try to express the feeling to other people, I often get answers like: "There is plenty to keep you busy at my place/work" and I know they don't really understand. It's not at all about the quantity but about... I don't know, substance maybe. Did I do that before? Will I sparkle the flame of motivation with it? Is it useful, fun, I don't know...

It's never only just one thing either. Easily enough your brain will swallow one habit and go on something else. Let's say the commute, as the landscape is passing by, you have this feeling of contentment and that's it. But then you start listening to the same music, somehow, pick some boring task at work you had left and, strangely enough, the world seem pretty uneventful for a while. Nothing serious, no health problems, no awkward situation at work, just bored.

And then you start to think a little bit too much and that's when you cross the line. Is it me? Should I push harder? Should have I better ideas? Is it hiding other problems? Boredom will make you sloppy, tired. It will press you to find ideas that will never come because you are pressing to much. It can also, really, hide a real problems such as "Dude. I am really unhappy at work. Crap.", but not always.

Therefore I've been thinking a fair bit about my work lately, my career. The fact is that I never were so invisible as a developer. I stopped going to the local User Group, pretty much stop creating new Open Source projects and slowed down my tweeting rate drastically. On the other hand I never felt as good as my job than right now. People are listening to me, I am doing enough experimentation to be able to push forward interesting improvement, fixing problems when previously I needed more seasoned developers and I think I found the right balance between being nice and being rude when necessary.

So I am an experienced developer, all right. Probably not the best one and if my recent invisibleness doesn't help at being challenged by better developers, I know what I can't do and I know what I like.

It's not the location either, Cardiff has been very welcoming (Yes, it's raining from time to time) and let us have more of our lives than Paris. "Metro, boulot, dodo", as French like to say, has been replace with different routines like "Coding, reading, cooking" or "Coding, watching TV, playing some games" or even "Damn it, we won't be able to see Doctor Who filming in town 'cause we are in Iceland" and honestly, it has been refreshing.

It could be the work (maybe I need a proper new problem to tackle). Maybe I am desperate for something to do outside work. Maybe I've been waiting for some events to occur and they didn't. I haven't yet found, hence this blog, and I hope that writing will trigger a new cycle of excitement or at least some kind of clue!


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